I guess it's been a while since i've written anything meaningful to my blog. For the past several months it seems that i've caught the Instragram bug and all i've done are random posts from instagram; a lazy man's version of blogging is how i sometimes view it. I tried to reason myself out and say to myself that a picture is worth a thousand words so those instagram pics should be good for a blog post. Unfortunately, as most pictures go, it never reveals what's lurking inside the photographer's mind. I guess i haven't found my photographic identity as of yet, unless you count the hundreds of pictures i've taken of Ella.
Everything has been very chaotic as of late. I guess that would be the understatement of the year, but it looks like the winds of change are blowing once again and i'm at a crossroad that looks all too familiar now (you would think i'd be an expert). it's certainly has been a while since i've blogged and i am finding it a little difficult to put my thoughts into these extensions from my finger.
i guess this will just have to be a start. perhaps i should clear out all my previous posts for now and just start brand new with my blog. Ella is staring at me right now trying to bestow some literal inspiration into me but instead it works more as a distraction as i cannot stop staring back at her and ask her what's wrong.
my what an introduction; looking back at what i've written why even title this post the way i did? i believe my title is what i initially wanted to write about but somehow i've digressed into where i've been all these months away from my blog. perhaps i should try the technique of titling my posts after what i've written; the only drawback to this theory is i'm almost certain that in order for me to title what i've written, i would have to go back and read what i've written and knowing me, deleting the post would seem much more logical than titling and posting it. go figure. but yes, the chaos that seems to have enveloped me as of late. i'm at the point right now where i'm not even sure how far the rabbit hole goes. there are many things that i need to get done and just never enough time or enough of me to get it all done.
there are the obligatory tasks, such as bills that MUST be done at a certain time. things like this are not so much chaos, but more of just stress that comes every month. you would think that after a year i would be used to it by now but call me a cheap asian but i hate seeing my money go. i guess i haven't fully transferred it to the thought that i'm paying for a service to be able to live my life the way i currently am.
then there are the things that i've been putting off but need / should get done. this usually revolves around cleaning and/or fixing stuff around the house. this house needs cleaning. a lot of it. maybe my standards are too high, or maybe i'm just in a state of constant redecoration mode. this is something i blame my mom for because she is like this as well. my dad walks around the house like nothing needs redecorating, whereas my mom is always in the mode of wanting to change something just to change it. but currently i need to do some cleansing in this house. i need to move a lot of stuff out of the way, organize it, and know that i know where everything has been placed around here. thinking about it a little bit more, maybe i view cleaning and organizing the house as my way of cleaning and organizing my life. it's definitely a small piece to the entire puzzle but it's always a good start and great way to get the ball rolling. other thing's other than cleaning are the random things around the house that seem to have gone neglected. selling off unnecessary items, fixing the mailbox, the sewage pipes, and maybe even watering my lawn. hopefully some (or all) of this stuff gets done this weekend.
and lastly there are the things that i want to do, which oftentimes end up being done more than the things above (aside from bills.... that's the one thing you can never run away from.... oh and taxes). it's this little brown thing that's laying next to my foot right now waiting anxiously for me to finish whatever the hell it is i'm doing on this computer. she would even stick her head right on my screen and stare at me, or if that doesn't work, feel compelled to just step on the keyboard and plant herself right between me and the computer. hanging out with friends, family, playing video games, reading / finishing my book, watching (and FINISHING) The X-Files, go on a photo-trip, go out for a run, fix my bike and bike up alum rock as i've been meaning to do, or even just sitting down and watching a giants game. these are my escapes, and maybe i have too many of them. ever get to the point where there are a trillion things you can do and instead of finishing any one task you end up spending more time just sitting there trying to figure out what you should do first? that's the story of my life, whether personally or professionally. i encounter the same issues at work that i do at home and one thing i've noticed is that i'm not very good at making these decisions; rather i'm not conscious that i'm not making a decision at all. procrastination? indecisiveness? laziness? could be a combination of them all and maybe one or two other words that seem to be eluding my mind.
maybe make a plan.... make a list as i say... of the things that need to get done. factor in the things that i want to get done and try and find a way for them to all somehow fit into the 16 waking hours i have each day. wow, when boiling down the hours in a day, 16 doesn't sound all that much assuming you get 8 good hours of sleep (who am i kidding, 8 hours?)
minimize or bound the want's, make sure the need's are done on time, and start tackling the should's. i guess that's how i'll try to bring some order in this whole mess.
we'll see how it goes.
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